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Friday, June 18, 2004
Movies this week
Late. Very late. Sorry. You probably already saw a movie this week, huh?
Around the World in 80 DaysIt's been some time since anybody was truly excited about anything Jackie Chan did. It's easier to get worked up over him appearing on Late Night with Conan O'Brien than it is to stomach another of his annual movies. It's as if they were once penicillin, providing nurturing cures from bad action movies and somehow the medicine went bad and now we've spent the last few years building up an immunity to a library of films that resemble snake-bite venom. Some people are still paralyzed from Rush Hour 2. In this film, he's mixing it up with the well-liked Steve Coogan (Amoxicillin) and some newcomer actress (Chemical X) for a remake that no one was really asking for in the first place. Arnold Schwarzennegger plays a lech, which is really the only reason this movie will ever be remembered.
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story: If Jackie Chan is snake venom, then Ben Stiller is tequila, the liquid you often like, but that when mixed cheaply and taken too much can also lead to an awful, awful night of retching. Some people, as with tequila, have sworn off Stiller, having found him a comedic actor of diminishing returns in the negligible (but profitable) Along Came Polly and the surprisingly unfunny Starsky & Hutch (Not quite as profitable). Stiller seems to take whatever script comes his way these days as long as it has the words "Urine," "Funny wig" or "Romantic gross-out comedy" in it somewhere, and in this movie he goes into Goofy Character mode which is a lot better than the Put-Upon-Ben Stiller characters he's mostly been playing lately. Vince Vaughn is in this movie, as are Stephen Root and Rip Torn, and those are much better reasons to see it.
The Last Horror Movie: This is a pretty low-budget affair shot in a verite style that is supposed to make you feel like you're actually in the movie, or participating in creepy voyeurism by watching crimes as they happen. The movie is the first produced by the magazine "Fangoria" which was a staple among boys like me when we were about 14 and had just discovered Re-Animator. Horror films are very, very hard to get right and this one looks like it only succeeds by default: the only good scary movies in the last while have been zombie movies and if you don't have zombies in your horror movie, woe to you and your fake blood caplets.
The Terminal: This is a very strange movie because it's a Steven Spielberg movie starring Tom Hanks and Catherine Zeta-Jones and before this month, few people had even heard of it. By the opening date, even fewer could tell you what it was about, or could relate that Tom Hanks is actually playing a foreigner with a funny accent in the movie, not "Tom Hanks, American Everyman." This movie just was completely below the rader, below sea-level, under cover of darkness, unveiled after a shrouding... where did this movie come from? Why does it seem so blah? Why does it feel like we're none of us going to even think about this movie in any capacity three months from now? It's getting pretty mixed reviews and it seems as if the ever-potent team of Spielhanks may be losing it's, ah... potency.
DVDs: Bad Santa lived up to its name. Taking a look at Reno 9-11: Season One and I'll probably watch Cold Mountain when it hits video.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
A review I wrote for the DVD of City of God is in the paper today, as well as a Best of Blog entry with my recent Best Buy employee harangue.
That's... about it. Didn't get any sleep last night whatsoever, so everything has a Donnie Darko, dreamy feel to it today. Or did I just dream I wrote that?
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Yeah Yeah Yard
L'il Floaty Omie Head likes the Yeah Yeah Yeahs on MTV even if you can't hear the singing, and spends a weekend rueing the day he thought, "Ooh, I should buy the house with the big-ass yard."
One thing I forgot to mention in that blog about the Yeah Yeah Yeahs performance: Karen O., for the first half of the song at least, looked like she's rather be singing any other song (preferably one where she wails a bit more) off the Fever To Tell album than "Maps." "Y Control" would have been pretty bad-ass.
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Getting what you want
File under, "Advice, tips"
Be clear. Know what you want.
If they don't have what you want (or aren't willing to give it to you) try again.
If trying again doesn't work, begging sometimes helps.
No, that's a lie. Begging usually never helps. Unless it's a whining/begging combination and the person holding what you want is weak-willed. Then, maybe.
Do you mind stealing? Sometimes that works.
Get some friends together and get what you want as a group. Take it by force if what you want is a very small government with no military.
Look for it on Ebay.
Hire a Thing You Want Locator. They're not all rip-offs.
Pray. But don't just pray for what you want, you sacriligeous bastard.
Keep saving up.
Walk away from negotiating table in a huff.
Peek back into the negotating room to see if your ruse worked.
Stomp off for real when it doesn't.
One more prayer?
Settle for next-best thing that you want. Be glad that you got were able to get even that.
Monday, June 14, 2004
Cut off the LWM, bitch
To those sporting a Little Wussy Moustache: Cut that shit off.
Today, in honor of last night's Six Feet Under appearance of Russell's misguided, am-I-gay-or-just-a-confused-artist bullshit moustache, we are calling on all men (and some women) who have these questionable LWMs to bust out the Mach-3 Battery-Powered, Sean "Puffstache" Combs-endorsed razor and set your upper lip free.
You're not rocking that moustache. You're not rocking anything. At all.
Arise, beautiful philtrums, arise! Break the shackles of the fuzzy peach!
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