I don't remember how the joke got started exactly, but there was a vending machine broken where I work. It would either dispense a cup with no liquid, liquid with no cup, ice with no liquid or cup, soda with no carbonation or carbonation without syrup. This machine was like an uncooperative attendant at an airline counter; no way were you ever going to get your way with this machine. I got so tired of losing money to this befucked machine, I told Andy I was going to post a petition of redress to whoever was collecting the vast funds I was losing to this slot machine of Kafka.
Andy joked that I was gonna be the Martin Luther (the Lutheran, not King Jr.), posting my 25 Theses. Only she called it the "25 Feces." That cracked me up, not occurring to me that she might be implying that I'm full of shit. No matter.
Here now, though, I present The 10 Feces, rules for not being a total lout in the bathroom. Follow them. Post them in a stall. Make the world a better place.
Given the vast number of things that could go wrong with bodily functions, let's not chance it by making things any more unpleasant for those around us. I thank you for not being boorish.
And now it's time to let the mystical force of Charo guide us through this next bit, which I call...
Terribly Happy's Charo-style Self Promotion Section!
Anyway, I'm actually really excited about this: I worked several months (since around last summer, man!) on a story about adult Web site owners in Austin. The story is running today in Technopolis. You can read it here. Bonus: I'm always wishing that our Web site had more photos and graphics, so they basically shut me up by letting me design the online version of the story myself. I'll probably be doing this for future Technopolis cover stories (even the ones I don't write). It's more work for me, but it's something I really like doing, so no biggie. I'm pretty proud of the way it turned out. Please check it out. I beg of you. I'll pay you. I don't care. Just make them think it's getting a ton of hits and that what they're paying me is worth a damn.
The Latino Comedy Project is currently writing skits and starting to film some segments for our big April/May show. Our next show will have some pre-filmed segments, something we've never done before. It's scary, but I think we're all eager to learn. So far, I'm written five or six skits for our show, maybe four or so which are usable. One of them is a mock law firm commercial that I'm hoping we'll film pretty soon. I'll put up information for show dates and maybe some bits about our rehearsals when those start up. I'm having a blast at our Monday night writing meetings.
I'm back in the Third Watch saddle. The next recap should be up sometime this weekend.
That's it. I'm pretty damned pooped. Oh, I got some funny e-mails asking if Craig from last time is real. Of course he's real! My goodness! What kind of person do you think I am? Craig was pretty pissed off, though, that I ran all that he wrote unedited. He thinks it's going to affect the number of women who will be willing to Instant Message him and then meet him in real life for some heavy offline sex. Craig: The ladies still love you. It's the men who get all crazy and just don't understand. You're still my homie. We may differ on some key points, but on one thing we can always agree: We'll both do it all for the nookie.
Peace out, Craig.
"Dude. I kid you not."