Previous      |      Main      |      Next


Two things I hate about Omar...

Sometimes when you look at what you have in your life — the number of people who you talk to and the ways in which you reach others, you realize that you have the ability to make a positive change in the world.

Like this site, for instance. A few months ago, I was just a guy uploading nude pictures of Don Knotts to the Web. That was the dark early days of Terribly Happy. Now, I actually try to write about stuff that people want to read (outside of the rec.arts.oilpainting.don-knotts-nude newsgroups). And suddenly, I have a few more readers.

I realized this week that a little Web site like this can influence others and create a movement.

All of you can help. Today, I want you to help me make Web history. I want us to join the ranks of others and help fuel a political movement that is growing in strength.

I think you know what I'm talking about: Third-world debt. America, one of the richer countries in the world, is holding many third-world countries in debt. And there's no way they can ever pay it back and become prosperous themselves.

At least, that how I understand it from reading a few interviews with Bono.

That's kind of how this started. Bono from U2 has been going around, telling people from different governments that they need to lay off on all that debt. This is kind of like telling Ivana Trump that she needs to start eating Ramen Noodles, but it's okay. It's a start.

I had a revelation, though, the other day when I realized my cat likes U2. Whenever I play their music, Cosa gets relaxed and seems to really dig on it. She especially likes "Achtung, Baby."

So then, I had the idea: What if Cosa's love of U2 could be translated into a full online movement?

The obvious answer is this: Cosa's going on a 30-day hunger strike!

For the next 30 days, you (the readers) and I (the person withholding food from my cat) will make online history. The first online hunger strike to relieve third-world debt!

Over the next month, I'll give you regular updates on how Cosa's doing. She's totally all for it.

This morning, I took her food bowl away. She followed me as I dumped the food outside and when I came back, I talked to her. I said, "Hey, Cosa. This is a very brave thing you're doing. Are you sure you want to go a whole month without food in the name of relieving third-world debt?

She gave me a look that I'm pretty sure meant she is very committed to this cause and wouldn't have it any other way.

Then she meowed.

Day 1: "I just want to help relieve third-world debt."

So, let's get started. Here's the first update:




Cosa seemed a little fidgety today. I guess she's used to having the food bowl there constantly. I saw her digging in the kitchen drawers looking for the small can of Pounce that I keep up there. She hasn't figured out that I threw it out: I didn't want either of us to be tempted and hurt our cause.

She's holding up remarkably well, even if it is only the first day of the hunger strike. I played "One" for her and she calmed down a bit.

She's drinking lots of water.

I'll update you again on Monday. If you can't tell, I'm very proud of my cat. She's a real American hero.



The other thing I'm very conflicted about lately is that Brooke Burke is going to be in Playboy next month.

Now, if you don't know who Brooke Burke is, you probably don't watch a lot of cable TV. Brooke hosted a show called Wild On... on the E! TV network.

"Hello, Omar? I just wanted to let you know that I'm dumping my plastic surgeon boyfriend to be with you. Oh, wait. It's his voice mail. Aw well, never mind...."

I would flip past every now and then, and on Channel 47, there'd be all these drunk people dancing and getting naked all of a sudden. I mean, that's cool and all, but what was really great about Wild On... was that there's this incredibly attractive woman holding a microphone talking to these drunk, "Wild" people and you always had the strange tension of wondering how much she'd participate in the wild goings on around her, whether it was dancing in Rio or running away from the bulls in Pamplona. Brooke was not only a host, she'd often be a participant in what was going on, so you were always held glued to the channel wondering how far she'd go to please her producers.

It was as if Mary Hart from Entertainment Tonight was covering mud wrestling and there was a really good chance that she would actually get in there and do some wrestling herself. It's just good TV, is all I'm saying.

So, she's going to be featured in that certain men's magazine next month and I'm all conflicted.

You see, I used to subscribe that magazine. But I don't anymore.

Why did I subscribe?

Well, I started subscribing when I got to college, where they give you those cheap magazine subscription rates. I signed up for Entertainment Weekly (a love affair that continues to this day), Newsweek and Playboy.

It just seemed like a college freshman kind of thing to do.

Because it was so cheap, I kept the subscription going through college and even for a year or two after. Once in a while, there'd be a kick-ass interview with Conan 'O Brien or 20 questions with Jon Lovitz, or something like that, making it worth the small amount of change I spent.

After a while, I found I didn't have time to glance at it, much less "read it for the articles," so I let the subscription lapse. Also, two incidents kept me from re-upping: The woman I was dating really didn't like that I was getting it in the mail every month. And one time, I invited two female friends over to watch a movie or something, and they spotted an issue sitting on my coffee table. They were offended and upset by it, and made me feel really guilty for having it.

Now, bear in mind, I still to this day don't see anything wrong with it. Especially since it reads better than FHM or Maxim or any of the other soft-core copycats out there geared toward the frat-boy demographic.

But after college, I just kind of grew out of it and didn't really feel the need to have a subscription anymore.

But now there's Brooke. And I'm conflicted. Should I buy the issue? I mean, who wouldn't want to see Brooke naked? Who wouldn't want to read her musings on the meaning of life, as told to a Playboy freelancer?

In the past, I would have just gone to Barnes & Noble, paid $5, and bought the damned thing.

Now, it's not so easy. Once you stop being a Playboy reader, can you really go back? Is that part of my life over? Does it make me less mature?

I mean, my tastes have evolved. I no longer read Maxim or Playboy or any of those plastic-wrapped magazines. I am much more sophisticated now: I read Spankin' Bare Nubile Asses Quarterly.

That's a joke, ya'll. Heh heh. Heh heh. (Sigh...)

So if you have any input as to what I should do (and I'm sure since a lot of women I know read this site, I'll get a few good scoldings), let me know. I've only got a month to decide, and then the lovely Brooke will be gone from newstands forever.


Previous      |      Main      |      Next



Clip Art Corner

"Aw, quit yer bitchin'. At least we aren't working at a dot-com."

The usual stuff:
Copyright 2000-2001 by Omar G.
E-mail if you want to be notified of updates.
Don't use any of this stuff unless you plan to pay me first...