Male banding ...


See that thing up there at the top of this page? The Navigatitron 3000? Well, enjoy it for today because this is the last time you'll see it.

I got all excited because I got the new versions of Dreamweaver and Fireworks, which I use to provide you with fine sweetmeats of Terribly Happiness. I learned to do Pop-up windows (coming soon to annoy you at will) and how to do little pull-down menus like the Navigatitron 3000.

I was so excited, I showed it to my brother, who's staying over again this week. "I don't like it," he said.

"You don't like the Navigatitron 3000?" I asked, indredulously.


"Well, why not? What's wrong with the Navigatitron 3000?"

"It's harder. The way you had it, you just look up there and click. Now you have to click on it and pull down and click again. It's too much work."

Too much work? "Don't you sleep until like 4 in the afternoon?'

Sigh. Sadly, though, he was right. I unscientifically polled others, and people agree. Pull-down menus are a pain in the ass.

But they're so pretty!

Sigh... Not all that is cool and new is necessarily useful. So enjoy the Navigatitron 3000. This shall be her maiden voyage and her death knell.



One of the great things about living in the live music capital of the world is that there's always a huge variety of live music to check out. And it's typically very capital. You always get to have these incredibly varied experiences because we attract everyone from Weezer to Tibetan monks. (Now that I think of it, there's not too big a difference there.)

This weekend, I saw Ozomatli.

You have to understand: I've been trying to see this band unsuccessfully for about three years now, since I got hooked on their debut album.

In case you haven't heard of them, they're a band out of L.A. that incorporates salsa, hip-hop, funk and a horn section to create these party songs that just make you want to fill a room up with people and start moving.

The first time I tried to see them was when I went to San Antonio to see Mana and Santana. Ozomatli was the first act on the bill. Unfortunately we misunderstood that it was "Show Starts at 6:30," not "doors open," so by the time we got to the Alamodome, Mana was already on stage. I kept hearing from people that we missed a great set.

The next time I had a chance to see them was at South by Southwest this year. It was completely full of people and unless you had a badge to the music conference (I didn't), you weren't getting in.

This time, I got my tickets and went and man, they were outstanding. It's one of the best concerts I've ever been to. The crowd was a real mix of people and I haven't seen so many white people shaking their asses to a Latin groove since the Macarena. Greg wrote about it here. He's the music guy, so you should trust his take on it.

They put on a most amazing show. Their trademark is that they come in from behind the audience, playing their instruments all the way to the stage. On their way out, they stopped in the middle of the crowd and just stood there playing for an extra 20 minutes after their already stellar show. These guys are so amazingly talented and are all about performing. Their new album comes out Sept. 11. You need to check them out if you're not already a fan.

The other concert experience I had this weekend was completely different. I went to see a band called "Los Ilegales." All I knew was that they were from Mexico and their CD sounded really upbeat.

So we go.

We got there at 10, and it turned out to take place at a community center that looked just light a middle school cafeteria. We sat at a long lunch table and waited while they blasted pre-recorded music and a few people danced. There were maybe less than 100 people there.

After a while, it gets to be a joke that this band never goes on. There was no opening act, so we just keep waiting. My brother and I are so incredibly bored. The person we went with mentions that this band regularly performs on Spanish TV, especially on New Year's Eve specials.

"Maybe they think it's New Year's right now," I tell her.

And then at about midnight, the concert finally starts. The Ilegales get on stage.

It was a boy band, ya'll. A Puerto Rican boy band.

Four guys got on stage and did these little twirly dance moves. They sang something like harmonies. They would pump their fists and yell, "GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO!" They sang ballads.

One guy had a little camouflage muscle shirt and long hair. One guy rapped. The other two looked like 15-year-old kd langs.

At least with Menudo, the name might make you a little hungry.

Our host paid for the tickets, so I have absolutely no room to bitch. And it wasn't a bad show. It was just... um... different. I just wasn't prepared for the full-frontal assault of boy bandishness that is Los Ilegales. At least not since I swore off boy bands back in the 80s when Jordan from New Kids on the Block never answered my letters.

So here's the final scorecard:





Los Ilegales

Bald to fro-ish

Extremely gelled. One guy had hair carvings. He was the dangerous one.

Salsa beats, tight raps, ass-shaking melodies.

All Spanish. Afforementioned "Go go go!"

Standout member:
The little Asian dude who is the bandleader and plays big ass drums bigger than he is.

Standout member:
Guy with the long-hair who actually could perform the complex dance moves.

Crowd reaction:
Unprecedented rump shaking. Complete adoration.

Crowd reaction:
Girls shrieking. Gay dudes begging to go on stage with them.
$17.50. Total bargain.
$25. $6.25 per Ilegal.

Opening act:
Wozani, excellent funk band with Erykah Badu appeal

Opening act:
A CD player and some dance lights.

Hot, but beautiful Stubbs outdoor venue
The Crockett Center. Which looks just like your middle school's cafeteria.
Audience attire:
Lots of Birkenstocks and dirty hemp clothing
Audience attire:
Girls looked like they were auditioning for "Salsa Search!"
In a fight:
They'd kick some ass, two-times!
In a fight:
"Chicos, RUN!"
Overall impression:
There is a God! Praise be!
Overall impression:
I still can't believe I went and saw a boy band.



Clip Art Corner

Man and cookie collide in the next evolutionary stage in snacking.

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