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8/13/01 (continued)
The roach makes his move...


Bedroom, 3:55 a.m. Tuesday morning:

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what? I'm trying to sleep."

"I think the bug just fell."

"You heard that?"

"It fell on the newspapers. Where we were painting the wall. I heard something hit the newspaper."

"You can never hear me when I'm yelling from the next room but you can hear a half-ounce roach fall on a newspaper on the other side of the house?"

"... ... Yes."

"So it fell. Let it die in peace."

"What if Cosa eats it?"

"She's probably asleep. Like we should be."

"If Cosa eats it, it'll be all poisonous and she'll die."


"I don't want my cat to die!"


"You don't even like my cat! That's why you want her to die! This is a perfect opportunity for you to get rid of her. You've always disliked her. You probably hired that roach to come get sprayed and take a dive so it could poison my cat."

"If you're that worried, why don't you go find the roach and throw it away?"

"Oh. But then I'd have to get up."


"... I'm scared."

"I should stop trying to sleep now, shouldn't I?"


Living room, 3:59 a.m. Tuesday morning:


"Where is it?"

"It's around the newspapers somewhere."

(Incredibly horrifying newspaper rustling sound)



Know your roach ethnicities!

"Holy shit! It's still alive!"

"Kill it!"

"I don't know where it is!"


"I can't see it!"

"Turn on a light!"

"Oh man. This is not happening. This is not happening."

"Stop that! Look! It's next to the newspaper! Grab your shoe and give it a good whack!"

"Did you just say 'give it a good whack?' "


"(sigh) Why do I always have to use my shoes to kill bugs? Why can't I have nice shoes?"

"Give it a good whack!"

"I'll give you a good whack."

(halfhearted shoe toss)

"Don't throw it! Whack the bug with your shoe!"

"I don't want to go near it."

"Oh my God. I can't believe this. Just whack the damn roach!"

"I don't want to go over there. It's pissed off now."

"I'm pissed off now."

"Can we just go to bed now?"

"Do you want your cat to die?"

"Look! It's crawling under the newspaper. There is no God."

"You see? You should have given it a good whack."

"Would you please stop saying that?"


The terrifying conclusion ==>


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Back that attack up! Actually, I'm not even sure what this sign means, but it doesn't seem very friendly.

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