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Determining your personality type (Page Three)...

On the flip side of the Asshole Personality Type (APT), is the Wuss Personality Type (WPT). WPTs can typically be found at comic book stores, renting anime at the local underground video store or really anywhere you look on the Internet.

Until recently, WPTs only had small informal groups such as Magic: The Gathering card game sessions in which to socialize. Now, in the information age, Wuss Personality Types typically just start online journals.

Wyatt from "Weird Science." They don't get much wussier than this.

Wusses typically have a much harder time finding love because, unlike Assholes, they understand and can process the concept of rejection. And they usually take it pretty hard, sometimes going so far as to purchases multiple Morrissey albums and writing poetry created by pieces together pieces of lyrics from their favorite Cure songs.

WPTs tend to internalize rejection, building it into their self image, unlike Assholes who invariably assume that the person who has rebuffed them is either 1. Gay; 2. Lousy in bed; or 3. a combination of the two.

Wusses, as has been stated before, engage in a symbiotic relationship with APTs. On some level, they enjoy the harrassment and "ribbing" they receive at the hands of APTs because it allows them to engage in self pity and to sympathize with characters in gothic graphic novels.

So are you a Wuss? Dear lord, let's hope not. Take the Wuss Quiz and see.

Ask yourself the following questions Yes/No questions to come up with your "Wuss Factor."

Do I own any 20-sided dice?

Have I ever cried after being dumped?

Have I always been the one to be dumped in any relationship

Do I own any Star Wars toys in their original packaging?

Do I wear pajamas?

Do I actively fear someone I work/go to school with?

Am I a virgin?

Did I secretly love The Phantom Menace?

Did I have a crush on Kelli Martin and/or Chad Lowe when they were on Life Goes On?

Have I ever been "Pantsed?"

Would I ever get into a fistfight defending the works of Isaac Asimov?

Do I keep a library card on my person at all times?

Do I read this Web site out of a crushing longing for understanding and human companionship disguised as a keen interest in technology and humor?

Have I ever taken a relative or a member of my immediate family (brother or sister) to a dance or any other "need a date" situation?


For each "Yes" answer give yourself one point. Add them up. Give yourself like three extra points because just participating in this quiz makes you something of a wuss.

One or Two points: What's sad is that you know that's a lie, yet you still want to be abused by my pointing it out to you. I'd say you're a wuss, but that would be giving you too much satisfaction.

Three to seven points: Okay, you're a wuss. Happy now?

Eight to twelve points: You still live with your parents, huh?

Thirteen or more: Great jumping Jonses! We've got some work to do!

Now take the number of "Yes" answers from your Asshole Quiz and your Wuss quiz and see which one you favor. Remember that. On the next Terribly Happy's Guide to Love, you'll learn how to take that personality type and start pointing it toward the due North of true love. Or, at the very least, you'll learn how to lose some money using a dating service.


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