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Thursday, October 20, 2005
Why journalism Sucks: Vol. 7
You know how Saddam is on trial and saying he's "Not guilty" and how there's a major storm bearing down on Florida, Miers and Bush are still catching flack, avian flu is on its way and oh yeah, we're at war in Iraq?
Well none of that shit matters because CNN has as one of its top news headlines: Jennifer Aniston photographed kissing Vince Vaughn.
"Hello, this is Wolf Blitzer reporting for CNN. First off, I totally knew this was gonna happen! Check it out. Jennifer was macking on Vince Vaughn and some dude TOOK PICTURES! I know! Craziness! Anyway, he was totally slipping her the tongue, and he's got those beady little eyes, but whatever, good for her. Good for you, Jen! You go! Oh, and also? On the way to gym class, I heard that Brad is super pissed about how this came out, even though he's happy for her, you know, like on a friend level. But you know he's gotta be at least a little jealous, right? Well, anyway, that's what's going on over here. Back to you in the studio, Paula."
The lede of the story can't go without reprinting as well:
"Does Vinnifer have the same ring to it as Brangelina?"
Someone got paid to write that line.
Yay! Wait... wha?
Mel Gibson gives $1 million to Mexico for storm relief efforts. With a long beard and no socks, as the story notes.
So many... emotions... conflicting thoughts... can't... process it all.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
I talk about tech stuff. And I bake.
Basically, it's a make-up column for not blogging on Digital Savant for like a week.
Topics: iPod video, Jack Thompson vs. Penny Arcade (they get into a lot of fights), cakes and, er, my own work-induced laziness.
About that cake. I made this one. And it was the best thing select human tongues have tasted. I served it at an LCP barbecue we held to welcome some new members. I waited while we served fajitas, burgers, queso and mondo mashed potatoes to unveil the labor-intensive creation.
The cake has four layers, but those four layers are gotten from slicing the two big layers horizontally and stacking them with filling in-between. Yeah. Have you ever tried slicing cake layers in half and transporting them, flipping them, trying to get them to do your bidding? It ain't easy.
And in case you don't care to read that recipe carefully, if such things make your eyes go aglaze -- the recipe calls for doing things that violate international conventions. You cut an 8-inch circle using a plate out of the 9-inch cake layers and use the shavings, well-grinded, in combination with crushed chocolate sugar wafers to create, in tandem with raspberry seedless jam, the frosting that goes on all four layers and around the finished cake. You got all that? This cake is of such moistness and density that the Bounty people are crying because such absorbent goodness will never be used for cleansing purposes.
The results were suitably resplendent for such toil. Even Rebecca, whose refined dessert palate eclipses mere human ability (I believe she tastes sweets in four dimensions), was suitably impressed. Then she saw my grocery receipt and wondered why the fuck I spent $7 on raspberries.
I plan on making the cake again (gotta use those leftover raspberries), but trying it with the two layers and no horizontal shenanigans. But believe you me (er, you believe me): I am taking this baking thing seriously. I'm going to buy cooling racks soon.
New Smallville recap in what's so far been a surprisingly good season:
The Morning After (Then The Day After) -- Clark doesn't even get to enjoy his devirginizing afterglow before he's got to save the town from a nuclear-missile launching geek. Unfortunately, Clark has no powers, so he gets shot and killed. Then he comes back. Then he has powers again. But he's sad because somebody's got to die to balance out his new life. It's called the circle of life, Superman.
Monday, October 17, 2005
The eye. Has it?
A new comic about our newest character Ix3plaaa( is up at the sanctuary of monkeys in the outer atmosphere this morning, just in time for your second cup of coffee, or that pesky pop quiz at school. Enjoy!
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